We all know our kids take up 99% of everything: our time, our energy and our mental capacity. They gracefully (on the whole) occupy every nook and cranny in our lives. There’s no metaphorical escaping these minis – because guaranteed you’ll find a lego piece hidden between the couch, crumbs in places you never knew was possible or a toy tucked away in your bed. These are indeed our mini superheroes. They teach us so much, they are adventurous and courageous, and they push us to our limits, to be the best mamas we can possibly be.

Then there’s the often more silent superhero. The one that keeps it all our sh*%t together. The dads. Dads often go unmentioned or unnoticed in the forefront, but they sure do make sure that the backend is rock strong and solid giving the whole family unit a foundation of strength, value and consciousness.

I often take a back seat and just observe how our Mr Incredible interacts with our two little girls. His zest, energy, passion and innovation confirms he is for sure, the right partner and best daddy out there. For mamas, it is more visible their roles – just think being pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding, nurturing, waking in the night, doing the school runs, meals and so on.

Dads do for sure play a critical role. They act as role models, the strong pillar of strength that doesn’t whither in any storm. They are able to navigate through all the emotional clouds with their feet on the floor and keep the family boat afloat. They often bring a new dimension and sense of wisdom to the kidlings which is innate, priceless and life shaping. Often a lot is learnt through actions and less speech as actions often speak louder than words, we all know this! It’s about the subtleties.

So I think dads need a big shout out, not only on Father’s day! Dads are indeed REAL superheroes. They have big strong wings to carry us all, to hold us and make us feel safe, happy and valued. They provide so much, that the list is endless. From financial support, to emotional care, they are the fun machines. Kids stand strong on their shoulders and see the world from new angles. Dads, we love you! xxx

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I, as a mum, have always wanted to be the perfect mother. I had fairytale dreams and aspirations of what motherhood would look like. Living with a white picket fence, my two kids, a dog and a cat, sunny skies…. Of brushing my daughters perfect locks, and serving pipping hot, freshly cooked dishes at every meal. Clothes would always be cleaned, perfectly folded away and toys arranged by category in the cupboard. My kids would excel in all areas, they would be sporty and musical, a dancer and an academic. There wouldn’t be screen time all the time, there would be balanced playtime, only giggles…. BIG LOL.

So life happens, children arrive – reality hits but our expectations of how we think it should be don’t lower. So there’s a misbalance between how things really exist vs. how you want them to play out. Which leaves me feeling like I’m not doing enough or I’m not good enough or am somewhat failing.

There’s an enormous amount of pressure on mothers to do things a certain way. Especially as a first time mother, you want it to be perfect, textbook perfect. I wanted to breastfeed and wanted my baby to do long naps. I wanted my baby to hit every milestone when she was due to. I never wanted tantrums or food chucked on the floor. I didn’t want her to be fluent in every single Peppa Pig episode by the age of 2.5 (thanks lockdown). But that’s life.

Being a mum of 2 has made me realise and appreciate what a “good enough” mum is. There seems to not always be enough scope for everything to be perfect, and I’ve come to realise that not all should be perfect all the time. Life ain’t always roses and peaches. Fact. Kids won’t break if they have processed chicken nuggets or fish fingers. Kids won’t break if they skip a nap, or go to bed slightly later (mum’s may break). Kids won’t break if you leave them to whinge while you’re busy attending to something else. Kids won’t break if you leave them to cry for a few minutes.

So the question remains, what is success as a mum? Is it having all your ducks in a line, everything picture perfect? Or is it being more balanced and healthy and able to then give as much of yourself as you can? I think if we as mums do not strive to be the perfect (often unrealistic mum), then we can’t expect perfection from our kids too. This will in turn release some unnecessary pressure from the relationship. There’s a massive problem with perfection – once things aren’t perfect, the blemishes are magnified way more than they. need to be. Conclusion? Good enough will do just fine.

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Growing up it’s fascinating how normal life is. You get used to a certain mould where you grow and are shaped a certain way, within your family norms and quirks. Day in and out the macro structure remains the same…. this provides a safety net plus a sense of security and belonging which all kids need to flourish – boundaries. There’s nature which is handed down from your parents, and a bit part, nurture. The way we learn to do things, are encouraged and pushed.

Fast forward (many years) to becoming a mum. What you always knew, shifts, alters and starts over. It’s time for you to now create those sets of norms and quirks for your kids to flourish within. It’s common to pick and choose the elements from your childhood which resonates with you, and in addition, to add new layers and values which you believe fit. Your old norm now becomes your new norm. Remember the days of sleeping in? Going on spontaneous weekends away? A cheeky night at the theatre? New norms set in, and it’s all about routine, naps, poos, bottles, milestones and smiles!

Fast forward (a few years) to living through a global pandemic. Your normal way of life gets shook, what you took for granted disappears and a sense of familiarity fades away, rapidly, scarily. There’s no holding onto what was, there’s only jumping into the deep end with a fresh mind ready to embrace the new. It’s an eye opener, for me certainly. It’s amazing how life seemed to come to a halt. It was like a global sign to SLOW THE F%$#@ DOWN! We were all so busy, so rushed, so wired – we never stopped. We never breathed. We never appreciated. Technology, social media, materialism, competitiveness took over. Nature suffered. We suffered.

I’ve learnt to be more fluid and less rigid. I’ve learnt how important it is to accept and let go. I’ve learnt how resilient we are as humans, no matter whats thrown our way. I’ve learnt and appreciated that there is a sliding scale where it’s OK to shift priorities and boundaries. I’ve learnt that the sun will rise again tomorrow, no matter how dark today may seem. I’ve learnt how important it is to give support and care as we’re all so fragile. I’ve learnt to ask for help and say things suck! I’ve learnt how important relationships and friendships are and that words and communication is vital for our wellbeing. I’ve learnt we all have our own personal circumstances and limitations and nobody should judged anyone else, or compare. I’ve learnt the importance of breathing, in and out. I’ve learnt to slow down, a lot! Life is not a sprint, it is a marathon. Pace yourself. Take time, how ever long that may be. We’ve only got one chance, y’all.

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To my baby,

As you embark on your life’s journey, remember you are great. You are a divine piece of a greater whole. You have a purpose. You have a voice. You have choices. You have emotions. You have metaphoric wings to soar and fly to your dreams and ambitions. Don’t let anyone stand in your way.

Don’t ever let anyone squash your voice or opinions. Don’t feel the need to be muted or scared to say what’s on your mind. Speak out gently but be assertive. Stand your ground and know what’s right and wrong. Don’t be afraid, ashamed or embarrassed to stand up for what you feel is right. You need to hear your inner voice. Mute all the noise outside and listen, internalise and act. Be you. Let your essence shine.

There’s a plethora of manipulation, negative influences, peer pressure and competitiveness in the big world. But always remember who you are and your strength. Always have integrity and honesty. Be open and respectful. If you’re hurt or sad, say why. Do not bottle things up. Express yourself. Use your words. It’s your life, remember, nobody else’s.

None of us are the same, none of us have the same DNA or fingerprints. Same too with our personalities, likes and dislikes. We all have differences which make us unique. Learn who you are and what you stand for. Don’t be someone else or what others want you to be. You are you. This is your life. We only have one chance. Make it count.

It’s easy for others to sway you in one way or another. It’s easy when you’re unsure or sitting on the fence to be manipulated. Think about your options, what’s best for yourself. And if it makes sense, then great. Understand that you won’t disappoint yourself by sticking to your guns, you may disappoint someone else by not always complying with what they want. It’s your life. Your one chance.

You are special my baby bear. You count. You are worthy and worthwhile. You fit in where you need to be. You strive for what matters for you. You have choices and options, go forth and conquer.

Love you always the way you are….

Mama xxxx

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