Parenting can often me a mind-juggle! Of course it’s the best experience which brings so much joy, connection and unconditional love; yet at the same time, it can be relentless, exhausting and demanding. And with that comes so much (unnecessary) pressure and expectations to partake in certain activities, do things a particular way and (metaphorically) tick off items on the list to be a good parent. Sound familiar?
I have done it all – I’ve printed bucket lists in all the colours, categories and seasons. I’ve written in journals what I want to achieve as a family for the year. I’ve colour-coded who / what / how. I’ve researched and gathered information on the perfect family things to do! The list is endless, but now I feel done! And mainly because this list either stares me in the face making me feel ever-so guilty for not achieving these unrealistic milestones, or I begrudgingly undertake my set-out action points and resent every minute!
There’s so much competition and heaviness to appear picture perfect like you doing it all, all Insta-happy, smiles all round! But I’ve decided to rethink how I want to approach parenthood and what’s important to me going forwards. I questioned my thinking: was it necessary to do X amount of extra-ordinary things per month? Did I have to do what others were doing and pretend to love every minute of it? Was it paramount to follow the masses because that’s just the done thing? This personal interrogation was not all rosey, but very necessary, confronting and emotive.
So… I decided, especially during a global pandemic which in itself brought on implausible stress, anxiety and uncertainty, to drop the musts and just flow, flow with whatever felt right. It took a lot of introspection to admit that what would have been a small win previously, actually was promoted to a massive achievement, with all things considered. Just think – lack of resources, support and hands on help, everyone working and schooling within the same four walls, so yes, the so-called insignificant things, became big wins!
With this in mind, I just spurted out everything which I conquered, achieved, survived and enjoyed from the past months. I dug deep, opened up my heart and tried to hone in and focus on some of the menial things which worked, some of the most simplistic things which created deep-rooted memories which will last my lifetime. Things such as using our Amazon boxes to build tents and sensory dens which the kids could colour, paint, express themselves in and just enjoy – hassle free. All of us dancing together like crazy to Let It Go and Beauty and the Beast in the Living Room giggling and getting so dizzy we all collapsed. Upcycling our recycling to create arts and crafts which were fab (and subsequently recycled again). Going on long walks through the woods and admiring the nature. Lifting up our fence to have weekly dinners with our neighbours and creating new friendships which probably wouldn’t have come to fruition previously. Drawing pictures with the girls and dropping off snack packs at their friends who we all missed so dearly. Carving pumpkins for Halloween and hanging festive lights in our driveway for those passing by to enjoy. We baked for our local Fire Department and Police Station to thank them for their efforts. We went on drives to see the Festive Lights and played Conkers in our back garden. And yes, all of this brought such meaning and depth to me as a mum, as an individual and as a family as a whole.
And yes, I know these things seem like daily and yearly happenings, nothing like the mind-blowing, adrenaline seeking pinnacles on the conventional bucket list. Nope, there wasn’t climbing Kili, or skydiving. Nor was there horse-back riding on the beach or visiting all the Seven Wonders of the World. Also, it was not seeing The Northern Lights or swimming with dolphins. One day but not now…
But for the first year in a long time, it did not seem to matter. My priorities and needs seemed to have shifted. All of a sudden my dreams from the external became the internal. My day-dreaming and aspirations of all these wonderful adventures morphed into something more sentimental and valuable. The big, bold, out-there externalities seemed to have whittled down into more contained and precious moments with those who meant the most to me. The beauty of this reverse bucket list is its gentleness and kindness. It allowed authenticity and realness to come to the forefront, transparently. It’s allowed me to zoom in on what I wanted to see, and blur out the rest of the superfluous things, even if just momentarily. I did take photos to capture the moment, and these will be framed and spoken about for years to come, in its own unique ways.
And of course, I still have my monumental bucket list for one day when the time is right, but the pressure to be on schedule unrealistically has dissipated. If bucket lists are all about seizing the day, then yes, I can confidently say I am ticking off my personal list, and am smashing it. I’ve started acknowledging and being grateful for the things I have achieved, rather than resentful for the utopian hopes of one day!
April 17, 2021