I can’t remember the last time I felt such a wave of pride and emotion wash over me like I did when our entire road, neighbourhood and greater communities stood outside and clapped and cheered, whistled, hooted and cheered for the NHS heroes! It was something so incredible to be a part of and the sense of unity, solidarity and togetherness blew me away. Especially we were safe in our little cocoons.

The NHS staff are real living heroes and champions putting their lives at risk for the wider population. There are so many brave stories where doctors and nurses have moved out of their family homes in order not to contaminate their own nearest and dearest, and are working non stop around the clock. It’s astounding. The commitment and compassion is priceless. The pure selflessness boggles me, I salute you all. Blessed we are!

It’s made me contemplate our roles and how at any instance all can change. From being a mum for example, your now a full time nursery school teacher, a chef, a laundromat, a counsellor, a fire fighter (figuratively) and so on. From being a office worker, you’re now bound by the walls of your house and having to manage kids, family, work and more. Our doctors and nurses who deal with certain medical preferences, are all becoming generalist caring specialists. Our linear roles which we all knew so well, in all areas, have been blown away and evolved almost instantly. We all have been pushed out of our comfort zones and are needing to dig deep for what our new role entails and how best to perform it effectively amongst this utter chaos and anxiety driven period were all encountering. Mind shift overload.

While the NHS are the real heroes, I do think credit needs to go to the mum heroes. Obviously in a different league. Us people who are now juggling more than ever before. I guess ensuring the entire household is fed, watered, clean and slept is a successful day. Our goal posts need to shift somewhat. Our self expectations of what perfection is need to be adjusted. Things are evolving and there’s many counterparts which need shuffling to a new normal. I’m trying to accept that through home schooling, kids activities via Zoom, online exercise, emotional insecurities, frustrations, allowing our partners to WFH as best as possible, we too are heroes in a sense. I know a lot of us mums just need a little boost of appreciation to keep us going, even if its a little clap within our four walls.

The frontline who are tackling the awful COVID-19 need a huge boost, and so do we I order to try carry on being the best mums we can possibly be. It’s all about acknowledgement and appreciations are the end of the day…

Read more

The world as we know it is done. Things are fast a changing. Schools are closed. People are working from home. Routines have been tippled upside down and inside out. People are frazzled. Children are frustrated. Anxiety is soaring. Our reality has shifted and it’s time to come to grips.

Society has become so (probably too) accustomed to their reality. To how things run. To instant gratification and the here and now. For planning in the future. For having unlimited choice and possibilities. For taking way too much for her granted. For assuming things will always be how we want them to be. For living blindly in the world because our day to day patterns are so ingrained within. Then all of a sudden, a massive wave crashes across the whole world and boom, our safe, secure and familiar reality has been washed away and now it’s time to start afresh. Damn hard.

In these unprecedented times where’s there’s only uncertainty, we need to look within for what is certain and appreciate that. It’s hard. It’s unsettling. It’s painful. But it’s back to basics people. Appreciate the sun will rise and set. Appreciate the sounds you hear and the smells you smell. Explaining this to small kids ain’t easy. They don’t get it, let alone do we as adults? Hold on tight to what we’re familiar with. And use that as a grounding tool and some sort of security. Whether that be menial things like cooking the same meal, watching the same programme, singing the same songs or reading the same bedtime stories. Hold on to what we have, for now.

I’m trying to come to grips that things are out of place. It does not matter my toddler wants to wear mismatched socks and is ruining my laundry OCD. It doesn’t matter if she wants lunch on 3 different plates instead of one. It doesn’t matter if there are toys sprawled everywhere and cleaning takes place when they asleep. It doesn’t matter that school routine is gone. It’s about looking within, remaining calm and breathing. It’s all we can do for now.

Our reality has been mismatched. What we know has changed. But now is the time to accept and start afresh. We’re moving to a more minimalistic and simple way of life. And it’s beautiful. Less about the externalities and more about the internal. Less about the ostentatious and more about the authentic. It’s a perspective change. A hard one which will take adapting and adjusting to. We just need to find that inner calm voice, and listen to it. The chaos and noise in the world is loud and deafening. Social media and the news are blearing into our ears, try mute it. Just hear the voice that’s calling for a calmer, simpler way of being. (Yes I am preaching, but I’m trying too).

Read more

Sounds like an oxymoron, right? How can we all feel such a sense of togetherness, of wanting to be of support in any possible way whilst being in isolation and furthermore, self-isolation? It’s quite astounding yet warming…

The entire world is currently going through probably the most frightening, totally blinded period in our personal history where we’re in utter turmoil and living minute by minute with the crazy global spread of this nano virus, which has spread the entire globe like wildfire. Hundreds and thousands, if not millions, are isolating within the boundaries of their homes, they are staying in, with limited social interaction. Social distancing is becoming the norm if we have to go into the scary world. Social places where we all love to chat, interact, laugh and hang out are shut. Schools which stimulate and educate our kids are shut. The world is shutting its doors right in front of our faces. See you later.. It’s scary. It’s isolating. It’s frightening. Its numbing. It’s unknown and totally unfamiliar. What do we do next? When will we see our friends next? When can we see our family abroad? When can our kids start playing together? When will I go back to work? When when when…. so many unknowns.

However at the same time, the sense of community, togetherness and unity has spread the world like wildfire too. We’re all trying to help each other in whatever way possible. In my personal capacity, I’ve see how all our neighbours are pulling together to help the vulnerable on our road. I’ve been involved in a drive to purchase hand lotions, coffee sachets and love hearts for the incredible NHS staff. I’ve become part of community initiatives to help call the elderly and those in isolation on a weekly basis. We can all do our part. Reach out to someone on FaceTime. Email a relative across the world and drop in. Think about others. If possible, donate to charities and worthy causes.

Social media has a bad rep for obvious reasons. It can destroy and ruin lives. Look at Caroline Flack. Look how negative press and publicity can crush one. Look at social pressures and online bullying. Look at how people appear on social media meanwhile are suffering internally and are someone completely different behind the screen. Soul destroying.

Yet the power of social media seems to have massively flipped in these unprecedented times. Online communities and villages are appearing left, right and centre. People are creating online chats and forums to help tackle and manage everyone’s fears and anxieties. You don’t have to look far. Just look on your Insta and Facebook feeds. Right in front of your eyes. People are reaching out all the time. It’s astounding and encouraging and we can all do it in our own small way. I’m so touched how all the children classes and entertainers are streaming free ZOOM classes so children can watch and participate at home. To try maintain some sort of normality. Personal trainers are doing online works outs. Yogis are offering online meditations and breathing sessions. The list goes on. The warmth of humanity is shining bright. Accept it. Welcome it. Share it.

I often wonder why humanity is the way it is. People boggle me. Why does it take such catastrophic measures to unite us all? Look at motherhood. Early motherhood. I’ve met too many mums who feel lonely, isolated and detached from the outside world. Who haven’t felt such a sense of connection from the outside in. Where the (false, contrived) image of the perfect mum fills their newsfeeds. Where if you don’t do XYZ, you’re failing as a mum. Why isn’t there that sense of encouragement, support and unity when things were normal?

It’s all like a swing, things up and down. These times can bring out the best in humanity or the worst. There are those stockpiling and shoving and pushing to get extra loo rolls and pasta, or there those who are buying an extra packet to donate to the food bank for those less fortunate. We choose how we are. We’re in control of our actions and attitudes. Yes we’re all scared. We’re all predicting and hoping. Yet nobody knows. Not even the scientists, doctors or virologists.

It’s a very trying time for us all. Some people will be out of work struggling financially. A lot of us struggling emotionally with what’s at hand. Some of us will be juggling with kids at home. Some will be loosing their marbles and others trying to do as much work amongst the chaos. Yet all of us have the opportunity to choose. To choose to unify and help (remotely) or to criticise and complain. It’s up to us.

Read more

We’re living in such a bizarre, mad period of total uncertainty and insecurity. It feels really worrying that nobody can predict what will be, no scientists, doctors, statisticians or virologists. This feeling of unknown is petrifying as there’s nothing to grasp onto, for some sort of grounded reality check that things will be ok. Just feels so surreal.

I think I, like millions others, have been yo-yoing between utter calm and collected and panic and anxiety. Some moments I know things will be ok and we all just need to stick together metaphorically (quite the opposite literally), be kind and ride this crashing wave. All the ups and downs.

Then almost seconds later the tension engulfs me (and us all) and I start thinking this may be the end of the world, what if I don’t see my family in South Africa again, what if X or Y or Z – my mind races and spirals like a domino game crashing down. But then I remind myself this is normal. We’re living through a pandemic. A global one. Something which is shutting down the world. It’s not just a cough and a fever. It’s the rate and pace that this nano virus is growing and growing.

Anxiety in such uncertain times is so normal. I think. We have zero control over anything and that feeling of not being in the known even 0.1% is so petrifying. We all need to slow down our minds and stop jumping to unknown conclusions. We need to stop watching the news 24/7 and monitoring social media like hawks. This just compounds and fuels our anxiety and can make us into frustrated, unsure time bombs waiting to explode.

What will be will be. We all need to do our part. We need to be wise and adhere to what government is advising. We need to use common sense. But I understand how common sense can fly out the window at such unprecedented times. Panic and fear love to overwhelm. It’s like the negative inclination. Where we leave room for this force to come in, it will. We need to try full our minds with things which calm us: music, walks, speaking to friends (even on FaceTime), movies, painting…

Society and our communities have for sure expedited our feelings, both ways. This horrendous stockpiling episode is a sign that people aren’t coping and that everyone is out for themselves. I need I need I need. What if I don’t have X? How will I cope without Y? We need to mid shift to see how we can accommodate others around us. How can we be kind, respectful and accepting? If I have 12 bags of pasta and 400 loo rolls, how will my neighbour cope? Sharing is caring as I teach my toddler. We live in a wider community.

Nobody should judge or question the way others are feeling or acting. If your friend decides to keep their kids from school for their reasons, it’s not for us to comment. We don’t know what people are experiencing and how people are coping. We don’t know people’s personal lives and family histories. We don’t know whose suffering with disease and illnesses and who are immunocompromised or generally suffering emotionally with it all. Who are we to judge?

As things aren’t black and white, this may lead to uncertainty and a feeling of sacredness not knowing. If we knew were in this unwanted patch for 6 months and ABC will perspire, we’d be a lot more calm. It’s just the nature of things evolving and changing minute by minute which overwhelms. We need to come to grips with living day by day. We need to accept the grey and be fluid and adaptable. Trust me I know this ain’t easy. We are all struggling someway or another, despite majority of us keeping our guard up and wearing our brave masks.

Covid-19 you’re a crazy thing. You’re spreading like wildfire and destroying economies, lives and our wellbeing. But I do believe it’s here to teach us a lesson. That lesson I don’t quite understand. And wish I did. So do we all.

But it’s a time not to be greedy. A time to ask for help if we need. A time to examine ourselves and how we fit into a greater community. We can only see some of the jigsaw. Although we like to believe we know it all. Deep breaths and day by day, as they say!

Read more

If you were to take some time to truly think what prioritising yourself may look like – physically and emotionally – what would it look like? Hard question? Unfathomable? When? How? My struggle.

Does taking time out and focusing on what you need mean you’re selfish, conceited and egotistical / where things are all about “me”? Or is it the opposite?

If I don’t look out for myself and take care internally, then how can I possibly be the best mum / wife / friend to others? Another factor to take into account, is when can this self prioritisation and self care actually take place when life is manic and non-stop? That’s the hard part I guess.

Becoming a mum of one or multiple children has the swift ability to change your identity where you automatically move down the pecking order. Fact. The needs and care of these (adorable) mini humans shoots right to the top of the list and with good reason. So where do we fit in?

Is the line between self care and selfish really all that blurry? Selfish may look like the world revolves around you, what you want, when you want and how you want. Prioritising yourself and taking care of yourself means the world includes yourself. Big difference! It’s all about giving (and more importantly accepting) yourself the love, attention, space, compassion and energy you deserve in order to be yourself.

Often mums feel like they should be coping and all without burnout. But often when running on empty, without fuel so to speak. Be it sleep deprivation, no down time or juggling more things than a circus juggler. Where’s the time for yourself? How could I possibly make time for me?

I bet if you had to look outwards at someone else who you admired, who had 3-4 hours broken sleep a night, who was 100% dependable on by the needs of the minis, who had to run a house, do 2+ loads of laundry a day, school lifts, homework, cooking, cleaning, packing school bags, making dinners, vacuuming, maybe having time for a pee alone…. where could I possibly fit myself in? Very different than when looking inwards? Self criticism and being harsh to ourselves is so much easier than being kind and allowing us to acknowledge we need to up our game for ourselves.

For some self-prioritisation can be done amongst the chaos at home, but others need to remove themselves in order to recalibrate and care. Some are able to take a long bath, switch their minds off from the busyness of life, forget about the laundry pile and numerous bottles to be sterilised. Others need to go to a coffee shop with a book and a drink, listen to their favourite music and breathe. Others may need to listen to a meditation app once in bed before the baby wakes up and for some it may be an exercise class, where they are literally in a different zone physically and mentally. Different phases in our lives requires different methods. There’s no right or wrong way to look after ourselves.

I’ve always had an internal debate about whether time and resources are a prerequisite for this self-prioritisation? Sounds silly, I know. For a long time I did think so (and still often think so). I don’t have anyone to help me to watch the babes, so I can’t look after myself. I don’t ever have an hour to myself, so I can’t take care of my needs. Catapult back in history or to deepest darkest Africa, or those small remote villages, we have it pretty darn good. We have help, we have friends and families who are willing to lend a hand. Is the lack of self prioritisation an excuse? Is it easier not to look after ourselves? I’m not sure of the answer.

But what I do know, is that it can spiral quickly when we don’t take care of ourselves. We feel insignificant, not worthy and often not as important as those we love. This can lead to a whole lot of negativity bias and feelings which can be so easily be fixed, with a little self love and prioritisation… Not at a click of a finger, but with some (well deserved) work.

Read more