It’s amazing the dichotomy of parenting, how when one thing happens, you often hope for the complete opposite…

As I’m lying under a blanket on my toddler’s floor waiting for her to fall asleep, I often just wish she would self settle, not be afraid and just put herself to sleep without us in her bedroom. But my mind fast forwards to a couple of year’s time, where she won’t want us to put her to bed, where she will be too “independent” and we will be too “embarrassing” or whatever the next reason will be, and I’m grounded and brought back to earth, remembering this is not all that bad and it’s not forever. This too shall pass.

As soon as babies are born, parents are wishing they would sleep through and eat every 4 hours, as soon as they sit, they are wishing they were crawling, then walking, the running, then talking, singing, drawing and reciting their ABC. Then in an instant, parents are wishing their kids would walk slower and want to hold their hand, they are wishing their kids wanted them to take them into class instead of running in with their friends, pretending they don’t even know you – you get the picture.

The duality of parenting is quite astounding. As parents, we assertively proclaim how and when we want our babies, toddlers and kids to evolve and develop, yet there’s always a double level of proclamation, today and in the future. Take a deep breath, savour each day as time often slips between your fingers.

Parenting has a wonderful way of playing games with your mind. Your mindset and well-being is key to how you react and manifest what’s happening. If you’re exhausted, sleep deprived, neglected and running on empty, what could look like a cup full, may often present itself as half empty.

Feeling two conflicting emotions towards your kids at the same time can often cause a lot of internal tension. How can I encourage total independence , yet want to hold their hands every step of the way? I want x and y, but I feel a and b. A parent’s own vision combined with the pressures of society and social media may be recipe for unnecessary and unneeded inaccurate projections of how your child should be. Don’t wish the precious milestones and days away.

You want your child to be independent and play without you having to be sat right next to them 24/7. You want your toddler to feed themselves so you can get on with the dishes. You want them to have that long two hour nap so you can have some time out. The list is endless.

But I always try remind myself this precious time is short and will never return. It’s just a fleeting moment in the sea of life, often feeling turbulent and the waves crash right over us. But if we stand strong, go with the motion and allow the ebbs and flow to guide us, parenting can seem a lot more enriching and not always so overwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all consuming, all encompassing and full on, but it’s so great, enriching and warming; a true dichotomy in the purest sense!

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Things were chaotic. I was trying to pay at the supermarket, I had my baby in the pram and my 2.5 year old had just tipped all the raspberries over the floor and was screaming. I sighed a massive sigh to try recalibrate quickly. The cashier looked over with absolute compassion and understanding and murmured “my love, I know it’s hard now, but don’t loose yourself”… those words have repeated in my head and continue to pound deep in my heart.

Motherhood is the biggest blessing: it’s beautiful, all encompassing, an emotional rollercoaster and of course, challenging! The expected waves of emotions come and go similar to that of the sea’s tide, in ebbs and flows. They pull both at my heart strings and often, in a different direction, at my heads strings. My head tells me one thing (usually more rational and practical) and my heart speaks to my emotions. The feelings often feel so overwhelming that they engulf me holistically, both positively and negatively.

Guilt, denial, obsession, love and exhaustion always lay on the top. Most of the time, let’s be blunt, mums are secondary to the needs of everyone else. A deeper sense of being ‘me’ is often missing. But how did it get taken away? Was it a gradual spiral that was so slow I never noticed loosing myself, or was the carpet of me pulled from beneath my feet so swiftly that my whole identity shifted? I am not sure…

Being a mum is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I wouldn’t exchange it for a million dollars, however there are times where I feel like I’ve lost ‘myself’ to a degree and concurrently, my expectations of myself are way too high! More elements have been thrown into my equation, yet my self-expectations have not been adjusted accordingly, which often leaves a feeling that I’ve not succeeded and I’ve let myself and everyone else down. Am I a mum, before I am myself? Or do I need to be myself before I can give and be a mum? This question is on repeat, and often sounds like a broken record.

But the yearn inside is looking to regain who I am as an individual first. Who am I before I was a wife and mummy? Am I a good mum? Am I a good wife? Why don’t I have all my ducks lined in a row? How come some days I get so much done, and others it’s so hard? Why do I loose patience and my temper more often than before? How come others cope? Am I a failure mum? Should I parent differently? Why don’t I look after myself first? So many questions keep popping up.

Some days are mushed into blobs of undefined moments where I can’t identify who I am. Nappies, naps, food, bottles, tantrums, no sleep bury me. But deep down, there is a tiny light shining trying to expose my real me.

There are so so many reasons why we loose ourselves as mothers. Possibly finishing up working and taking maternity leave changes who we are, as we may define ourselves according to our jobs – I am a Dr / lawyer / Accountant. Some of us loose ourselves when we loose our freedom to do what we want, when we want. For others, it’s lost when a whole lot more gets added to our plates. Another biggie is when we compare what was to what is. Stop looking backwards.

Some days seem impossible to even fathom who the real me is. But that’s ok too. Don’t pressurise yourself day in and day out to find yourself. Accept some days you will be carried by a different identity to that which you’re yearning for. Try make time to stop and think. Try reintroducing what makes you tick even if it’s weekly or monthly. Try do something for yourself which you really love. It can be as small as cooking your favourite meal, or a yoga class.

Sounds insignificant, but take care of yourself. If you used to love fashion, get dressed up, even if it’s for a baby class. If you love being groomed, get a manicure or have your hair done. If you a foodie, buy a recipe book and try a new meals once a week. Don’t neglect the things that you love. Even if it’s just for yourself, make that effort. One step at a time. Build yourself back up, even if it’s one tiny step forward. If you don’t look after you, who will?

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One day I’ll be me again….but for now, I am happy with who I need to be and where I am…

One day I’ll be able to have a full night sleep, uninterrupted by little cries where an 8 hour sleep won’t feel like a luxury and will be the norm, and the bags under my eyes will fade away…

One day I’ll be able to drink 3 cups of hot coffee a day and go to the toilet in peace, without the sound of gorgeous pattering feet or little squeaks from the outside room…

One day I’ll be able to fit into my pre-mamma clothes that are hanging in the wardrobe from my past, where my C section flap won’t overhang and I’ll (hopefully) be content…

One day I’ll have enough time to cook nutritious meals and make packed school / work lunches without it being a burden or an unfathomable task…

One day I’ll be able to go to the grocery store without rushing through the aisles worrying about the next nap time or when I need to prepare the bottle, and be able to take in what’s on the shelves and around me, breathing calmly not in a huff…

One day I’ll be able to go to the gym, have my nails done, enjoy my hair cut and not have my heart palpitating with what’s next to do on my forever growing to do list…

One day I’ll wear clean clothes without a food stain or some sick up over the shoulder and it won’t feel like a treat…

One day I’ll have clean, straight hair with the latest colour trends instead of living on dry shampoo or showering in 35 split seconds and carrying on with my day with sopping wet hair…

One day I’ll read blogs and articles that make my soul tick, instead of laborious things on reflux, weaning and sleep training…

But until that ‘illusive’ one day, I am learning to be happy with the new me… yes learning. The me who is now a mother, wife, cleaner, therapist, nappy changer, chef, laundromat, slave to two little girls under the age of 2.5.

I am needed by 2 beautiful angels 24-7. I am their everything and go to person. I am their confidant and guiding light. I am their hero and role model. I am the lid to their pot, the spaghetti to their Bolognese and their salt to their pepper, so to speak.

So for now, this is me! And I wouldn’t change the new me for anything in the world (maybe some more sleep). And as parenthood evolves and develops, the little fragments of myself which were given away with love and devotion to my little dependant beings will slowly return back to me, to complete who I was, am and will always be.

I know in theory, the time will come when I will yearn for my girls to once again need me the way they do now, when I wish I could lie in bed with them, read stories and tickle their arms to sleep, when they will fall asleep mid cuddle in the awkward positions which perfectly describes motherhood.

One day will happen. I’m not denying that some days I wish that the one day would draw near, some days I wish I had my own time, time to focus on me and time to put me first. But then again, I try not wish time away and know this is normal.

Motherhood is a journey, but it shouldn’t be viewed as a period where we’re counting the days away and the period to pass through our fingers. It shouldn’t be seen as a daunting task. It is a live lovable experience. Accept the new you, respect time and know today is where you are the meant to be, as you!

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Motherhood has a funny way of presenting itself. It’s like an oxymoron in its truest sense. It’s hard, but it’s so natural and easy. It’s rewarding yet ever so challenging! It’s so joyful and warms your spirit, yet it’s often so frustrating, crushes you and is jaw clenching. You get the picture.

One comparison which keeps popping to mind is that the days are so, so long, yet the years are so, so short.

Some days, especially on maternity leave, feel like forever. You’re woken up numerous times in the night, you work on a repetitive cycle, feeding, burping, changing nappies, nap time, play time, bath, bed and REPEAT. Some days just drag and all the days just merge into one mush of time. It’s hard to keep tab whether it’s Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday, let alone know the date.

It may appear to the outside world that you’re not doing all that much, and mat leave is chilled, a nice break to relax with your baby, have coffees, attend baby classes and play dates, all which is true. Yet it can be gruelling. It’s lonely, at times mind numbing and long. The lack of constant adult stimulation can most definitely be felt.

However what I’ve come to appreciate, especially now that my first born is 2.5, is that the time flies. Day in and out may drag its feet, yet the cluster of time just flies. How can she already be sitting, eating, crawling, walking, running! Slow down, I wish time would just halt for now.

This constant dichotomy and pull happens in so many facets of parenting, it’s quite powerful. All day, every day. You don’t want to wish time and the years away, as they are fleeting and never to return, yet you want the long days to pass. Like with everything, it’s often one step forward, two steps back. It’s ok to yearn for normality, yet it’s also good to accept your new normality.

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Ignoring or letting go, that is the question…

We all have our baggage in life. We are all dealt some winning cards and some not so promising cards. Let’s face it, that’s life, challenging, rewarding, manageable, overwhelming…

Let’s talk motherhood – there are umpteen episodes which can impact us. Let’s start at the beginning: the big convo of whether you want children or not, the whole trying to fall pregnant saga (and all the intricacies), miscarriages, IVF, the ups and downs of pregnancy, labour horrors, feeling let down when birth-plans do not go according to plan, post birth trauma, post natal anxiety, when 2 becomes 3, loosing your identity when becoming a mum, the transition from 1 child to 2, tantrums, the list goes on and on….

It’s how we deal with our issues which will shape how we move forward. On the one hand, there is Repression. Denying. Ignoring. Pretending it’s not there or never was. It may be conscious or unconscious. Running away. Not dealing with it.

Alternatively, there’s the art of letting go, when ready to do so: being aware, accepting, riding the wave and moving forwards. It’s about being in control of your reaction and your mind. It’s about holding on to what’s beneficial to be learnt and letting go of the fluff.

What kind of person are you? It’s quite amazing how many times this scale of how to deal with life’s twists and curves crops up during motherhood. Do you brush issues under the carpet and pretend they never happened or do you dive in, accept and move on? I know what I do….

Are you in denial? Do you judge what’s happening or happened as bad which leads to a flood of negative emotions and thinking about it? You go into defence mode, as this “can’t happen to me”, never me. You flee as the stirred emotions are too hard to deal with. Are you constantly running away from what’s being presented to you? Stop and have a think….

Or, do you stop, assess and accept – a chalk and cheese approach to the above. Do you allow the emotions enter, and let them take their turn? Ride it out and once internalised, settled and dealt with, then let it go. This is a much healthier way to approach life’s woes, yet much harder and resilient.

Rather than standing firm against the current of life, struggling to stand strong with every wave crashing over you and beating you down, why not go with the flow, ride the waves and follow the current of life, it will be easier to ground yourself and keep your feet on the ground? This repression of thinking may become a huge burden down the line, weighing you down. Letting go (after working through the process) allows for a much more peaceful way of living. Why? It’s easier not to deal with things. It’s easier not to delve deep into that raw part of you that’s so painful, yet has the potential to heal. 

Disney’s popular song, Let It Go, always struck a chord in me, as well a millions others. Not only is it catchy, the deeper meaning is so prevalent to life, if you allow yourself the space to see. Here’s what I mean:

“Let it go, let it go. Can’t hold it back anymore” – the very idea of letting things go, don’t bottle up, ignore and hold it in that locked, never to be opened chamber in your mind. Often, when things are buried so deep and are never to be touched, there’s a looming shadow or essence which still remains within. It’s never CTRL ALT DEL: it’s just moved to the Recycling Bin so to speak.

“It’s time to see what I can do. To test the limits and break through. No right, no wrong, no rules for me. I’m free” – the only way to break free is to face whatever it is right in the eyes. There’s no black or white, right or wrong way of dealing with live’s happenings, they are fluid and ever-changing, depending on time, how we attend to them and the nature of the matter. Acceptance, kindness and compassion can often allow us to let go. As cliche as it may be, be authentic to yourself (yes I am preaching). You only have one shot at life. Be true, even if it’s raw and sore. Empower yourself and don’t let fear and anguish determine who you are.

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I always to use to think I was in control and could somewhat control all my circumstances until I became a mum and my perspective shifted almost instantly. Being in control meant I could determine what happened, when and how, and that things would go according to my well-thought out strategies and plans. Sigh. As they say… “man plans, God laughs”….

When contemplating parenthood, this sort of “control” helped ease my thinking as I’ve always been petrified of labour, birth, babies, needles, medical procedures, epidurals and definitely surgery.

Living in my little bubble, I fell pregnant the first time very quickly. Great, I’ve got this! My pregnancy was pretty straight forward and easy. I met lovely people in my NCT class, we moved houses and made a beautiful baby nursery. All her adorable pink clothes were washed and perfectly folded. Things were on well track and under control.

I had a birth plan (which in my mind I get semi flexible), but everything else was so straight forward, so too would be the rest until things crumbled and my labour became somewhat disastrous and traumatic.

After my waters breaking on a Wednesday and my baby being born on a Saturday, a lot of unforeseen things happened in between which were 100% out of my control. I was induced 4x. I had 2 failed epidurals and finally the third worked, once fulled dilated (totally exhausted and scared as hell) my baby never turn correctly in the birth canal so she was shoved back in (literally) and I was rushed to theatre, over a shift change, where a forceps delivery failed, my baby is scarred on her forehead, and straight into an emergency C section. All out of my planned control, wouldn’t you say.

Baby two was not as simple. I instantly felt the control card was not in my deck. I was more vulnerable and exposed, yet at the same time felt more at ease. A hard pregnancy, being nauseas and sick, running after an active toddler was taking its toll. I got gestational diabetes which broke me to the nth degree. I had to prick and test my sugar 5x a day. My biggest fear was staring me in the face. Needles and blood. And yes, this broke me many a times. My birth became high risk, I had to see two consultants a week. Things were not going to plan. Again out of my control. And I didn’t like this feeling. It made me uneasy. Fast forward, to a planned C section, where as much could be controlled as possible, this was still petrifying. My strong husband who has done paramedic work and isn’t phased by blood and gore, fainted in theatre during the spinal block. I had some complications where they cut two arteries and my heart rate kept dropping. I could go on, but you get the point.

So, what I’ve learnt is we as mums, as humans, need to respect the process and believe things will turn out how they are meant to. We do not control the world. We do not control when there will be a tsunami or a volcano erupting so what makes us think we can control what will happen to us? It all comes from a greater power. What we can control, with a lot of practice, is how we react to things out of our control. Yes I’m preaching somewhat.

I learnt patience. I learnt how to ask for help and more importantly accepting help without thinking I was failing. I learnt to breathe and just be in the moment, no matter how hard it is, not try plan next step set in stone. I learnt flexibility and not to be so rigid.I learnt to respect time and what was going on. Obviously within reason we need to be proactive and do our bit to manage our circumstances as best as we can.

I learnt that if I was limited by my fears of not being able to control what happens in my life, I was doing myself a huge injustice. We need to appreciate that we may not know what will happen next and this is ok. This is controlling how you will react. Paradigm shift.

What I think is crucial, and I’m still learning, is to know when to surrender and put your hands up and let the greater forces that be take control be, and when to step in and put in the necessary proactive energy. Often the path we so desperately want to go on, isn’t the right or most valuable path for us and we need to trust that that’s ok.

Control is often rooted in fear. We want to control our lives or scenarios as we are scared what will happen if x doesn’t happen. Being present also helps with letting go of control. By trying to control, we’re potentially setting ourselves up for failure, in case the outcome differs to what we expect. Trust, believe and respect yourself that the best outcome will emerge once we stop gripping tight onto this illusive control.

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Remember what is really meant to be carefree and adventurous? Instantaneous and living on the fly? The concept of right here, right now always springs to mind! I’ll do what I want, when I want! Oh the days of just deciding to go to the pub with some friends, or booking a spontaneous weekend away? How about last minute theatre tickets after work or late night shopping?

Fast forward time, to being a mummy, at home day and night, while a gorgeous little baby depends solely on you 24/7. Gives right here, right now a new meaning, right?

I very clearly recall someone telling me when I was pregnant, enjoy these last few months as soon you’ll mourn the past, when it’s all about you and your desires when you want. Mourn! I was totally shell shocked at the choice of words. Mourning equates to death for me. The end. Things will never be the same. And now, post two children, I understand this more clearly. It is the end of what was, however in the positive sense of the word.

Yes, life will be never be the same. Life has a new meaning and direction. Is it a loss that you don’t have what was? Sure some days you yearn for a little piece of that selfishness. Sure there are times where you wish you could just get up and go. But I do believe it’s a mindset shift to accepting the new, to adjusting to being slower and turning a different corner.

Mourning is often laced with sadness, grievance and immense suffering. Equating a new chapter of life with such negative associations breaks my heart. Missing may be a better replacement word. I miss my old life today.

There’s no denying we’ve all been there, although many are not willing to openly admit it. Why? Because it could look like you’re not grateful, you’re selfish, you’re a bad mum, you want your needs first, you’re always complaining, you’re not counting your blessing… the list is endless and at the same time, harmful.

Some days, us as mums, feel trapped, we want to feel independent instead of depended on 24/7, we want to do what we want, it’s overwhelming, it’s all encompassing and all consuming. And yes – it’s ok to feel this! We are just human. We want to sit in a coffee shop and read a magazine. We want to lie in on the weekend and not be woken 4x the night before. We want to go grocery shopping and enjoy deciding what we want for dinner and then cook without running the bath, shushing a tantrum or shaking a bottle. We want to go have our nails done and not rush back panicking about the next nap, I could go on forever!

It’s healthy to miss alone time, to reminisce and grow from our past experiences pre-motherhood. The feeling of not worrying about everything is liberating. It’s hard to have divided attention and your focus always being on gurgling, poos and naps. It’s hard loosing oneself and ones interests. It’s hard when all the days merge into one and you loose track of time. It’s easy to forget our identity as a person and to find struggle with that.

For sure we have our own needs and emotions. But that’s the dichotomy of parenting, it’s rewarding and challenging, it’s easy and hard and at the end of the day, it’s life changing. Missing what was is normal, it’s not wanting permanent in attachment. It’s a fleeting moment (although it may feel forever) where we need to ride the wave and go with the feeling.

Motherhood is demanding and often overwhelming. If you asked all mums do they miss life without kids, the general consensus would be a big loud yes. What does that say? Why’s there a taboo or stigma attached to being real and honest about our feelings? Why can’t the reality of motherhood be celebrated openly and nurtured when hard? It may feel like putting your foot on the pedal but you’ve run out of gas!

Guilt may often arise when the thought of leaving the house alone is a luxury. Opting to run to the shops, or doing the nursery run or popping into the bank. Even drinking a hot coffee or feeling desperate for a morning off.

Am I a bad mum if I want to go out alone? Breathing space and a little (adorable) being out of your personal bubble momentarily may often fuel a lot more positivity than credit is often given. Mums shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for yearning for what was, in a new way. It should be a right of passage where no permission needs to be granted. Just remind yourself, you’re a great mum. You’re the best mum. You’re not a failure for asking for time out. And yes, it’s ok to miss, mourn, long for what was!

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Motherhood is a constant balance and juggle. We’re constantly navigating extremes and trying to find that happy medium. It’s about rigid planning and being spontaneous. It’s about protecting and keeping constant yet having the ability to let go. Mothers are always shifting yet trying to remain stable and sturdy. Babies, so small and innocent, have the amazing ability to teach so much, lessons which can’t be taught in a classroom. And these lessons are often at the most trying of times, when we’re sleep deprived, low on energy and caught up in the sh*%#t moment. Here’s what I’ve gained from becoming a mum:

1. Perseverance
   This is clear and real. A baby tests and pushes us all. It etches at us to carry on despite being hard and at times painful. It teaches us the true sense of persistence: to keep going and not giving up. When things seem hard, it’s amazing how much more gets piled up on your plate and your miraculously cope. It’s about perspective, looking at the bigger picture even when the small pieces overwhelm.
   
2. Giving without receiving
   Motherhood is the most selfless relationship out there. It’s truly about giving without receiving anything in return per se. An absolute dependent one way giving, where mother gives all to the baby. It’s not about if I give x, I’ll receive y. Some see motherhood as a sacrifice of self. We shift from a public figure where we’re intertwined with so many people in a give and take manner. Fast forward to becoming a mum, we just give and give and give unconditionally. We want our babies to be nourished, loved, clean and secure. We not feeding them in return for something. It’s truly empowering and a privilege to be able to be the prime provider for a little human who is yet to blossom and develop, because of you.
   
3. Change is the only constant
   Motherhood is unpredictable. It changes minute by minute. No days are the same and once you’ve cracked it, it’s sure to change again. Change in all aspects remains the constant. Us as mums need to be fluid, and able to bend and bold with what’s thrown our way. A phrase which used to boil my blood rings so true now: this too shall pass. Nothing is set in stone as a mum. Nothing is forever. Things are changing and moving, up and down. Allow yourself to go with the motion of parenthood, it will help you deal with situations in a much more adaptable and pleasant manner.
   
4. Shifted priorities
   Remember those days when you did what you wanted, when you wanted. Remember making yourself your first priority sometimes at the expense of others. Leapfrog to being a mum, and often your priorities become your kids and what’s best for them. You can’t just go to the pub after work for a drink. You can’t spontaneously just go to a show after work or book a last minute trip without some planning and preparation. It goes without say, and I struggle with this, we need to be our first priorities before that of our kids, because if we can’t give to ourselves, how do we give whole heartedly to others? It’s a fine line and a hard balance to get right as we can’t neglect either. Mums are exceptionally good at multitasking and finding a suitable way to include and prioritise. Circumstance by circumstance things shift and who the hero of the show is does too.
   
5. Be truthful to yourself
   If a baby is angry, you sure will know about it. If they’re hungry, you can’t escape that wail. I’d they’re happy, that infectious giggle will melt your heart. Babies don’t hold back when expressing exactly how they feel so why should we as adults? By being open and communicating when life throws you a a metaphoric dirty nappy, can be liberating. Obviously if you’re angry and upset, we cannot go chucking a dummy or lie on the floor having a tantrum, but we can express eloquently how we feel which will in turn heal and propel us forward.

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It’s often just assumed that kids learn everything from their parents; but the opposite rings true too. As much as we teach and guide them, whether it be actively showing them or them observing and mimicking us, they do the very same for us, it’s quite magical and unexpected.

The pure innocence and pride a toddler brings to your life is life changing. Even though we get irritated, loose our temper and are sleep deprived to the nth degree, the little nuggets of wisdom and utter joy far outweigh the former. Below are 5 lessons we can learn, if we stop and open our eyes:

1. Appreciate the small things
   It’s astonishing how the simple things in life we either miss and or take for granted. We are so caught up in the busyness of the moment, we stop to look around and take in what’s around us. For the little ones, the mundane is magical. Watch them listening to the train in the distance asking where it’s going. Admire how they say hello to the moon because the sun has gone to sleep. Watch them build towers from cereal boxes and really use their imaginations. Check them smelling the blossoms on the trees / the list is endless. Life from their perspective is new, exciting and fresh. There’s so much to see and do, and each day is a real adventure.
2. Unconditional love
   The term unconditional is thrown around so much, but the love from a toddler is exactly that. They look up to you and admire you because you are their everything, their rock, their superhero. They will love you if you’re upset, if you haven’t had a chance to wash your hair or if you wearing mismatched clothes. Don’t worry if you don’t have energy to make dinner and nicely present baked beans on toast in the shape of a face. They don’t judge or have any prejudice if you’re exhausted, happy, cross or emotional. This is loyalty and commitment in its truest form.
3. Ignite your imagination
   The power of this mini human is surreal. The transport you into a new realm, where you can be an awesome superhero, a beautiful princess, a caring doctor or even a funny animal (insert elephant sound). There’s no boundaries and no limits. Your imagination can run wild, without having to worry about the menial and mundane tasks which are always so present. They bring out the child in you, the free and courageous side which is deeply buried in all of us.
4. No beating around the bush
   Toddlers keep it real. They say it as it is, without a filter or playing it down. It is where real honesty and truth stare you in the face. Whether you got a smelly breath or hairy legs, it’s out there in the atmosphere. Often adults are afraid to express exactly how they feel in order to protect emotions and butter up a situation. Both are needed, but the uniqueness of being comfortable and open can help you express so much more and with deeper meaning, if you allow yourself.
5. Be free and light
   There’s nothing better than acting like a child (with your kids). But this essence can be catapulted into every arena of your life. There’s no need to always be so serious and heavy. Obviously as an adult there’s responsibility and baggage. But take some time to be carefree and just enjoy the moment. Try being present in the here and now. Laugh at the small things, whether it’s a little burp or a poo. Drop your guard – it can be refreshing and uplifting.

Take the time and tune into the beauty of what your toddler can offer you.

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When meeting a new person, or bumping into a friend from the past, the first question which always pops to mind is “what do you do?” – It’s amazing how societal pressures, social media and our own, often, unrealistic self expectations make us believe we are our jobs. Talya is a marketer! Is that whom I am? But does your job define you? Are you what you do day in and out? Or is there more to who I am? I am still trying to figure this out…

My whole life, probably together with majority of the Western world, it’s drilled into our heads that we are our job, and a job is an occupation and a career, where you climb the corporate ladder, you report into some kind of managerial leader, you work 9-6pm and at the end of the month you get a pay check. Simple?

Fast forward time, change your circumstances, what about when you have kids? What about a stay at home mum (or dad)? Is that not a job? Are you a nobody as you’re not going through the corporate motions so to speak, be it a lawyer, graphic designer, Dr, teacher or nurse? It appears that often value of a person is closely linked to profession. Wow he’s an associate director, he has done so well. Wow she’s a senior consultant, she must be a superhero. Oh she’s a stay at home mum, that’s easy doing nothing all day!

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Dear Mummy,

I just want you to know I love you. Hear me out…

Please don’t get irritable and irritated when I can’t settle and put myself to sleep…

Please don’t get frustrated when I’m crying, I’m only trying to let you know I need you…

Please don’t roll your eyes and mutter something under your breath, you are my hero and I need some extra comfort…

Please don’t shout at me when I don’t do what you want. I’m only a baby, a small dependant baby who needs your love…

I don’t cry or whinge to upset you…

I want to talk to you. I want you to know I’m sore or hungry or just need some love. I’m not here to ruin your life or make it unpleasant. It’s my way of saying help!

Please pick me up and cuddle me, rock me and look into my eyes. Give me reassurance and remember I’ll only be this small for short while.

Remember you are my world. You are my rock. You are my feeder and my cleaner and my everything.

The big world is ginormous for me. I miss our close intimate time when I was warm and cosy inside. So please take it slow, I need time to adjust to the world around me. The sounds, smells and colours. It’s all new and beautiful. But bare with me.

I know your world is busy and you got lots to do, but don’t forget me. I don’t understand waiting and later or give me 5 minutes. I’m used to having everything right here and now…

I know this time may seem forever, but I promise you it’s short lived. I will learn and grow up quickly, so hold me tight and cherish the moments. I know I’ve turned your life upside down and inside out, but I love you and you are my world. My everything. My reason for being. I look at you and know I am safe, secure and valued.

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It’s ok to cry and wish the day away without guilt…
It’s ok to feel overwhelmed and that your not coping…
It’s ok to feel you just want to collapse from exhaustion and emotion…
It’s ok to want to crawl up in the foetal position and just want time out…
It’s ok to want a break from your baby for your own sanity without feeling neglect…
It’s ok to ask for help and accept help when it’s offered…
It’s ok to admit things are tough and you need a hand or a hug…
It’s ok to want your own time and space for your own well-being…
It’s ok to prioritise yourself about your family so in turn everyone gets a happier mummy…
It’s ok to say no to people and not feel guilty for doing so…
It’s ok to lower your own self-expectations and understand that’s normal…
It’s ok to mourn your old life and accept your new beautiful life…
It’s ok to want time off without any judgement…
It’s ok feel raw inside and say help me I’m not coping…
It’s ok to be me first before a wife and a mum…
It’s ok to admit things are tough and know you’re not alone…
It’s ok to cancel arrangements and spend alone time instead…
It’s ok to have off days and feel glum…

HOWEVER…
It’s not ok to blame yourself…
It’s not ok to curse yourself…
It’s not ok to belittle yourself…
Its not ok to sS=ay your not good enough…
It’s not ok to have ongoing guilty emotions…
It’s not ok to expect the world of yourself…
And it certainly is not to be everything to everyone and neglect yourself…

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To the mummy who is lying curled up in a foetal position on the couch from pure exhaustion and sleep deprivation…

To the mummy who locks herself in the bathroom while tears stream down her face for feeling inadequate…

To the mummy who wants to escape to the grocery store for some time out but then feels guilty for leaving her brood…

To the mummy who feels she cannot juggle 100 things like before and feels like she’s failed again and again…

To the mummy who is totally overwhelmed and needs that evening glass of wine to decompress…

To the mummy who just palms her baby off when her husband comes home so she can get a breather and go to the toilet in peace…

To the mummy who has tears rolling down her cheeks because it’s all so damn hard and who feels like she should be coping…

To the mummy who feels like she’s failed because her self-expectations are too high and haven’t been shifted although her life has been turned upside down…

To the mummy who prioritizes everyone before her and neglects her wellbeing and feels like she’s lost her sense of self…

To the mummy who orders yet another take away because cooking a nutritious meal may tip her off the edge…

To the mummy who shouts and and then feels like the worst person on earth and is broken inside…

To the mummy who wears a brave, strong face and smiles for her baby / kids but is crumbling inside…

YOU MUMMIES ARE AWESOME!
YOU MUMMIES ARE NORMAL!
YOU MUMMIES ARE ACING IT!
YOU MUMMIES ARE VALUABLE!
YOU MUMMIES ARE SOMEONE’S WORLD!
YOU MUMMIES ARE THE BEST….

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The C-section pouch, the overhang, the flap… sounds kind of depressing, going nowhere and here to stay, right?

Mind shift change – the miracle flap that allowed a little happy munchkin to emerge into this world, healthy and bouncy, not so depressing, right?

It’s all about a mindset, the way we view the world. Things can seem bleak, dull and the road ahead to what was – long! Remember it sometimes has to pour to see the rainbow.

Things will never be the same. Our bodies will never be the same. Our freedom will never be the same. Our time will never be the same. Our emotions will never be the same. But why would you want the same? Life, she is moving! Things aren’t static so why should we be?

Life is so much richer, brighter and fuller. Life with kids is a blessing and miracle which we take for granted.

We as mammas may feel pulled in a million directions at once, we may feel like we treading on a thin surface at times, but we’ve got this! We have the innate ability to juggle, catch and keep all in line – often without knowing! We are the pillar of strength for so many other factors.

So, what’s the point of hitting ourselves yearning for what was? Hoping for that flat stomach, hoping for a lay in. Embrace the miracles which you’ve been awarded with an all-encompassing glow.

Life will change for the better! Guaranteed.

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