So, after 6 years in my current job (actually 15 employed years), I am packing all my goodies into my metaphoric cardboard box, not forgetting my token pot plant. You know, like the movies! After a very up and down experience, I took the (long-awaited) plunge and resigned! Adios!
“OMG, you are crazy, people are being made redundant left right and centre!”. “Have you thought this thorough?”. “What if you can’t find business?”. “You giving up such a good job!”. You get the drift. These (not so) subtle statements were chanted at me (it felt with the same intensity as the whole of Wembley Stadium singing Football is Coming Home)… On the one hand compounding my self-doubt, yet on the other hand, empowering me to stand firm in what my gut is saying. Total dichotomy. Obviously.
Lockdown gave me the opportunity to question life. There’s gotta be a silver lining, right? What else do you do when staring at the same four walls, day in and day out? It started off a very in-depth process of introspection, one long overdue. Was I happy doing what I was doing? Was it allowing me to show up the way which aligned to my values in an authentic way? Were my skills being utilised and was I stimulated, or was doing my job with my eyes closed, good enough? Was I happy just swimming with the current, or was I yearning for something more fulfilling? Question after question kept bubbling to the surface, until one day, I stopped to listen!
The truth is, life and work was flexible, it was easy as it was routine. I was plain-sailing along with the flow, instead of swimming upstream, challenging myself. Yes, easy is comfortable! Yes, autopilot is smooth. Yes, I could continue as I was, but I had a burning desire to uncover what really made me tick. And no, it wasn’t a clear definite, but it was the beginning of a process.
So, I got myself a (frikking awesome) Life Coach. Someone to help unravel my twisted and tangled thinking wires. Someone who understands the pressures of modern motherhood laced with the demands of work. A juggling act and a hard balance, if I say so myself! I found I wasn’t showing up as the best me, wife, mom, colleague, friend or family member. I was being pulled in too many directions at the same time and something had to give and explode. And that something was ME! Being in a 1,000 places at once left me feeling I was doing all my roles sub-standardly, I never felt I was really winning in any areas. Which for a person who thrives on achievement, this was hard.
I started to uncover my values. What really meant the most to me and what I wanted for my life and family moving forward? Was it financial success and job titles, or something a little softer which revolved around connection, compassion, honesty, truth and integrity?
To cut a long story short… I went from employment to SELF-EMPLOYMENT, not unemployment! I’ve had to shift my mindset and preconceived notions so many times a day, that in fact, I have taken a choice here! I wasn’t forced into this, and I fully get the value of being my own boss. There is just so, so much attached to the notion of being an employee versus being the kind of boss to myself that I have yearned for, for so many years!
So, it’s not about shutting one door and starting from scratch, from 0 again. It’s about starting with 15 years under my belt, about taking my wide-ranging experience and passions and honing it down into something I actually want to be doing, where I can choose. I have the advantage where I can pick and choose the best bits from across my career which I love, and possibly say adios to the parts which bored the living heck out of me. I can choose my hours, it’s not about clocking watching 9AM – 5PM any longer, it’s about getting tasks done, not starring blankly at my laptop. My long list of pet-hates can now be archived as that chapter has lapsed, and I’m onto my next chapter – a continuation in my story of life.
So, without being conceited or vein, I am super damn proud of where I have got to; of the courage I’ve found deeply rooted within; of how I’ve learnt to silence my critical voice (even momentarily) and listen to that compassionate me and what it really wants.
Yes, there is some self-doubt and resentment on some days, but I have taken this grand step forward to become a better me; a more holistic me, a me that is doing what aligns to my beliefs and values, a me that feels worthy of care and being nurtured, a me that can wake up knowing I have made a conscious choice, a me who has sewn some new seeds of hope – hope to show up as ME (and the best wife, mom, family member, friend, colleague and human being).
So, as I take my next steps, even if the path may seem dark at times, there is a lot of light, for without darkness I will never see the light. My metaphoric pot-plant is now going to sprout and flourish, in a loving and fulfilled way!
Adios!