36 things I’ve learnt being 36

1. Life is so damn unpredictable and we ain’t in control, as much as we think we are. I believe we need to put in our efforts but there needs to be some kind of surrender that we aren’t orchestrating the world. We can choose how we going to react and feel, but cannot choose the events which are unfolding (i.e. a pandemic).
2. Self-care; self-love; self-preservation! Preaching to a little degree, but this last year, more than ever in my whole life, have I become aware of the need and value for looking after myself: emotionally, physically and holistically. Whether that means time out, writing, exercising; whatever does it for you. For me: it was about writing my blog, having baths, listening to music on Calm, colouring in a ginormous A0 picture!
3. Squares on the metaphoric grid of life where people (including myself before my full awareness) only portray themselves in a perfect way, living the perfect life. I’ve learn’t life ain’t perfect, life is rocky, life can get messy. What you see on social media, ain’t the full picture always. Picturesque backgrounds, immaculate hair and make-up, only smiles, perfect houses and holidays: this is part of a truth, not the full truth with all which it encompasses. For me, yes I wanted to showcase all the 1,00000 crafts I did over lockdown, and the gorgeous sunsets I encountered on my 1,000000 walk this year when there’s nothing else to do…. but for example, what prompted that walk was a tantrum by a threenager or a meltdown that the pink plate was dirty. You get the drift, and it’s so much healthier to acknowledge the full scope: the good, the bad and the ugly!
4. Slow the F*#@ down! I was living life at 100 miles an hour, all the time! I was living in auto-pilot, just going, going, going! I felt like there was always stuff to do, to achieve, to clean, to cook, to present, that I kind of lost sight of the world and beauty around me, even in the smallest things. As lockdown and the Corona-coaster hit, I was somewhat forced to slow down my pace, and start to rejig my focus to what’s really valuable. I realised life doesn’t have to be lived in the past lane, always chasing and pursuing. I learnt to breathe more, and used grounding techniques to often remind myself that I am actually in the here, and now, and that that is OK! I came to the realisation that I believed if you fell off the boat in the fast lane, there was no getting back on, so it was now or never. This year taught me to stop, slow the pace and be accepting of a lower-key pace.
5. Self-discovery is a lot (and I mean a lot) of hard work. Change doesn’t happen overnight. I took a personal oath to start reflecting on my life, as something just didn’t feel right. I couldn’t place my finger on what it was, and I am still uncovering layers and layers of the real me, but what I found is that I have truly opened my mind and my heart to grow, evolve and change. Working through past bags of heavy baggage all-encompassing and often, overwhelming, but as soon as I saw a little glimmer of hope and light, it was an addictive feeling so dig more and feel more.
6. Being honest with myself in the most authentic way was a biggie! Admitting life is hard, be it because of lockdown, fears of the unknown with COVID, fears of getting ill, fears of when will I see my family in SA (the list is endless). I saw and gained clarity that I’ve worn the all is grand facade for way too long, and something gave in, and I finally realised this brave face is letting me down so to speak. Being honest and saying to myself, life is hard, changed my life. That realisation of listening to my deep inner voice and to be honest, opened up so many doors and I hope so many avenues in the months and years to come.
7. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! This last year has highlighted how few boundaries I have personally and professionally, and that this blurred line has led to a lot of unrealistic expectations I have for myself and others have expected of me. Without firmly believing and acting on the notion that a NO, is a NO, I always found myself navigating too far out and often (from the goodness of my heart) giving too much of myself to my detriment.
8. I am not a heart surgeon; I am not saving lives! This statement has stuck in my head from when I worked at Ticketmaster. I remember the head of Marketing repeating it to be and my teammates regularly. This is a point of tension for me, as I always want to give work my 100% despite being part time, a mom of 2 toddlers, a chaotic life and a busy mind. I am still finding my groove in work between giving it my all and being the contentious employee I’ve always been and never compromising my standards, versus realising work is just work. Leave the stress and heaviness at the office at 5pm! I am constantly swaying between caring less without feeling guilty and pushing myself to do more. This is something for my 37th year.
9. I’ve learnt that I love red wine: Malbec and Rioja. It calms my nerves and soothes my mood – yes, within moderation! I feel like I’ve become a connoisseur (and a semi- alcoholic) 🙂
10. Health is critical and I often take it for granted. It’s amazing how you take it for granted, until you’re diagnosed with something! For me, getting COVID-19 whacked me in so many ways. Physically of course -migraines, achy, no smell and taste, cough – but emotionally too! I was part of the statistics which are plastered everywhere, and realised that each day we have our health and our body works, we need to be thankful.
11. I only have one life! I’ve got this message so many times and in so many different formats! I’ve really started to question why I do things I do not enjoy? Why do I engage with people who are condescending? How should I be spending my limited time?
12. This past year I have learnt every single fact about Peppa Pig. Who is who, who does what, who is best friends with who, which countries which characters come from, how many siblings each has, how old everyone is… my trivia Peppa knowledge is outstanding!
13. I (together with the majority of society) have a very large discrepancy between their outer brave, happy facade / mask and how they’re really feeling inside, and the large this gap is, the more inner turmoil there is. My biggest lesson was acknowledging this! It’s not all hunky dory, despite what you see in the pics. I’ve learnt to be open and accepting of this…
14. Sleep is precious and so valuable, and essential for (semi) normal functioning. I have had a lot of sleep deprivation this year, due to toddlers and an active mind, and I have seen the repercussions and how easy it is to spiral when this basic human need is not met. Sleep when you can, they say! Wise words – and yes – I am listening to that being 37!
15. I crave human interaction! It’s become so evident how much is lacking when there isn’t physical, face to face stimulation. Thank goodness for Zoom, Teams, WhatsApp and so on, but authentic 1-1 in the hear and now is priceless and cannot be replicated. It’s funny as I always wanted to WFH, and then was forced to full time, then it’s amazing how the solitude of working alone becomes challenging and how I wish I had 1-2 days in an office with people. The ideal dream often isn’t as we imagine.
16. Family is everything! Never ever taken them for granted! There is nothing like a close-knit family, and nobody can replace those unbreakable relationships. Remember those days when everyone lived in the same country….
17. I’ve learnt to up-cycle junk for arts and crafts and it’s been awesome! Who would have thought that egg cartons and milk bottles had so many uses? And empty loo rolls – yes we painted and decorated them and printed faces of each of my family members, and made mini people! Best fun!
18. Grounding techniques and big belly breathes can calm me down when in fight or flight mode, in big breathes and out longggg breathes! Also, things such as naming 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste! Helps bring me back into the present when I am overthinking, or anxious and irritable.
19. I’ve stopped to look at nature more so than before. For me, there’s something cathartic about watching the clouds wisp by, or jumping in the crunchy Autumnal leaves, or listening to the rain on the skylights. Nature is one thing which remains constant. Seasons come and go; but they always return, year in and out! A valuable lesson.
20. Ditch those who zap your energy and your mood! Lockdown has taught me that we do not have the time for everyone; it helped me do the (very necessary) cull of people in my life; some who I held onto for selfish reasons, some who I felt obliged to and others who I was fearful to let go of.