I, as a mum, have always wanted to be the perfect mother. I had fairytale dreams and aspirations of what motherhood would look like. Living with a white picket fence, my two kids, a dog and a cat, sunny skies…. Of brushing my daughters perfect locks, and serving pipping hot, freshly cooked dishes at every meal. Clothes would always be cleaned, perfectly folded away and toys arranged by category in the cupboard. My kids would excel in all areas, they would be sporty and musical, a dancer and an academic. There wouldn’t be screen time all the time, there would be balanced playtime, only giggles…. BIG LOL.
So life happens, children arrive – reality hits but our expectations of how we think it should be don’t lower. So there’s a misbalance between how things really exist vs. how you want them to play out. Which leaves me feeling like I’m not doing enough or I’m not good enough or am somewhat failing.
There’s an enormous amount of pressure on mothers to do things a certain way. Especially as a first time mother, you want it to be perfect, textbook perfect. I wanted to breastfeed and wanted my baby to do long naps. I wanted my baby to hit every milestone when she was due to. I never wanted tantrums or food chucked on the floor. I didn’t want her to be fluent in every single Peppa Pig episode by the age of 2.5 (thanks lockdown). But that’s life.
Being a mum of 2 has made me realise and appreciate what a “good enough” mum is. There seems to not always be enough scope for everything to be perfect, and I’ve come to realise that not all should be perfect all the time. Life ain’t always roses and peaches. Fact. Kids won’t break if they have processed chicken nuggets or fish fingers. Kids won’t break if they skip a nap, or go to bed slightly later (mum’s may break). Kids won’t break if you leave them to whinge while you’re busy attending to something else. Kids won’t break if you leave them to cry for a few minutes.
So the question remains, what is success as a mum? Is it having all your ducks in a line, everything picture perfect? Or is it being more balanced and healthy and able to then give as much of yourself as you can? I think if we as mums do not strive to be the perfect (often unrealistic mum), then we can’t expect perfection from our kids too. This will in turn release some unnecessary pressure from the relationship. There’s a massive problem with perfection – once things aren’t perfect, the blemishes are magnified way more than they. need to be. Conclusion? Good enough will do just fine.