It’s amazing the dichotomy of parenting, how when one thing happens, you often hope for the complete opposite…
As I’m lying under a blanket on my toddler’s floor waiting for her to fall asleep, I often just wish she would self settle, not be afraid and just put herself to sleep without us in her bedroom. But my mind fast forwards to a couple of year’s time, where she won’t want us to put her to bed, where she will be too “independent” and we will be too “embarrassing” or whatever the next reason will be, and I’m grounded and brought back to earth, remembering this is not all that bad and it’s not forever. This too shall pass.
As soon as babies are born, parents are wishing they would sleep through and eat every 4 hours, as soon as they sit, they are wishing they were crawling, then walking, the running, then talking, singing, drawing and reciting their ABC. Then in an instant, parents are wishing their kids would walk slower and want to hold their hand, they are wishing their kids wanted them to take them into class instead of running in with their friends, pretending they don’t even know you – you get the picture.
The duality of parenting is quite astounding. As parents, we assertively proclaim how and when we want our babies, toddlers and kids to evolve and develop, yet there’s always a double level of proclamation, today and in the future. Take a deep breath, savour each day as time often slips between your fingers.
Parenting has a wonderful way of playing games with your mind. Your mindset and well-being is key to how you react and manifest what’s happening. If you’re exhausted, sleep deprived, neglected and running on empty, what could look like a cup full, may often present itself as half empty.
Feeling two conflicting emotions towards your kids at the same time can often cause a lot of internal tension. How can I encourage total independence , yet want to hold their hands every step of the way? I want x and y, but I feel a and b. A parent’s own vision combined with the pressures of society and social media may be recipe for unnecessary and unneeded inaccurate projections of how your child should be. Don’t wish the precious milestones and days away.
You want your child to be independent and play without you having to be sat right next to them 24/7. You want your toddler to feed themselves so you can get on with the dishes. You want them to have that long two hour nap so you can have some time out. The list is endless.
But I always try remind myself this precious time is short and will never return. It’s just a fleeting moment in the sea of life, often feeling turbulent and the waves crash right over us. But if we stand strong, go with the motion and allow the ebbs and flow to guide us, parenting can seem a lot more enriching and not always so overwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all consuming, all encompassing and full on, but it’s so great, enriching and warming; a true dichotomy in the purest sense!