If you were to take some time to truly think what prioritising yourself may look like – physically and emotionally – what would it look like? Hard question? Unfathomable? When? How? My struggle.
Does taking time out and focusing on what you need mean you’re selfish, conceited and egotistical / where things are all about “me”? Or is it the opposite?
If I don’t look out for myself and take care internally, then how can I possibly be the best mum / wife / friend to others? Another factor to take into account, is when can this self prioritisation and self care actually take place when life is manic and non-stop? That’s the hard part I guess.
Becoming a mum of one or multiple children has the swift ability to change your identity where you automatically move down the pecking order. Fact. The needs and care of these (adorable) mini humans shoots right to the top of the list and with good reason. So where do we fit in?
Is the line between self care and selfish really all that blurry? Selfish may look like the world revolves around you, what you want, when you want and how you want. Prioritising yourself and taking care of yourself means the world includes yourself. Big difference! It’s all about giving (and more importantly accepting) yourself the love, attention, space, compassion and energy you deserve in order to be yourself.
Often mums feel like they should be coping and all without burnout. But often when running on empty, without fuel so to speak. Be it sleep deprivation, no down time or juggling more things than a circus juggler. Where’s the time for yourself? How could I possibly make time for me?
I bet if you had to look outwards at someone else who you admired, who had 3-4 hours broken sleep a night, who was 100% dependable on by the needs of the minis, who had to run a house, do 2+ loads of laundry a day, school lifts, homework, cooking, cleaning, packing school bags, making dinners, vacuuming, maybe having time for a pee alone…. where could I possibly fit myself in? Very different than when looking inwards? Self criticism and being harsh to ourselves is so much easier than being kind and allowing us to acknowledge we need to up our game for ourselves.
For some self-prioritisation can be done amongst the chaos at home, but others need to remove themselves in order to recalibrate and care. Some are able to take a long bath, switch their minds off from the busyness of life, forget about the laundry pile and numerous bottles to be sterilised. Others need to go to a coffee shop with a book and a drink, listen to their favourite music and breathe. Others may need to listen to a meditation app once in bed before the baby wakes up and for some it may be an exercise class, where they are literally in a different zone physically and mentally. Different phases in our lives requires different methods. There’s no right or wrong way to look after ourselves.
I’ve always had an internal debate about whether time and resources are a prerequisite for this self-prioritisation? Sounds silly, I know. For a long time I did think so (and still often think so). I don’t have anyone to help me to watch the babes, so I can’t look after myself. I don’t ever have an hour to myself, so I can’t take care of my needs. Catapult back in history or to deepest darkest Africa, or those small remote villages, we have it pretty darn good. We have help, we have friends and families who are willing to lend a hand. Is the lack of self prioritisation an excuse? Is it easier not to look after ourselves? I’m not sure of the answer.
But what I do know, is that it can spiral quickly when we don’t take care of ourselves. We feel insignificant, not worthy and often not as important as those we love. This can lead to a whole lot of negativity bias and feelings which can be so easily be fixed, with a little self love and prioritisation… Not at a click of a finger, but with some (well deserved) work.