Ignoring or letting go, that is the question…
We all have our baggage in life. We are all dealt some winning cards and some not so promising cards. Let’s face it, that’s life, challenging, rewarding, manageable, overwhelming…
Let’s talk motherhood – there are umpteen episodes which can impact us. Let’s start at the beginning: the big convo of whether you want children or not, the whole trying to fall pregnant saga (and all the intricacies), miscarriages, IVF, the ups and downs of pregnancy, labour horrors, feeling let down when birth-plans do not go according to plan, post birth trauma, post natal anxiety, when 2 becomes 3, loosing your identity when becoming a mum, the transition from 1 child to 2, tantrums, the list goes on and on….
It’s how we deal with our issues which will shape how we move forward. On the one hand, there is Repression. Denying. Ignoring. Pretending it’s not there or never was. It may be conscious or unconscious. Running away. Not dealing with it.
Alternatively, there’s the art of letting go, when ready to do so: being aware, accepting, riding the wave and moving forwards. It’s about being in control of your reaction and your mind. It’s about holding on to what’s beneficial to be learnt and letting go of the fluff.
What kind of person are you? It’s quite amazing how many times this scale of how to deal with life’s twists and curves crops up during motherhood. Do you brush issues under the carpet and pretend they never happened or do you dive in, accept and move on? I know what I do….
Are you in denial? Do you judge what’s happening or happened as bad which leads to a flood of negative emotions and thinking about it? You go into defence mode, as this “can’t happen to me”, never me. You flee as the stirred emotions are too hard to deal with. Are you constantly running away from what’s being presented to you? Stop and have a think….
Or, do you stop, assess and accept – a chalk and cheese approach to the above. Do you allow the emotions enter, and let them take their turn? Ride it out and once internalised, settled and dealt with, then let it go. This is a much healthier way to approach life’s woes, yet much harder and resilient.
Rather than standing firm against the current of life, struggling to stand strong with every wave crashing over you and beating you down, why not go with the flow, ride the waves and follow the current of life, it will be easier to ground yourself and keep your feet on the ground? This repression of thinking may become a huge burden down the line, weighing you down. Letting go (after working through the process) allows for a much more peaceful way of living. Why? It’s easier not to deal with things. It’s easier not to delve deep into that raw part of you that’s so painful, yet has the potential to heal.
Disney’s popular song, Let It Go, always struck a chord in me, as well a millions others. Not only is it catchy, the deeper meaning is so prevalent to life, if you allow yourself the space to see. Here’s what I mean:
“Let it go, let it go. Can’t hold it back anymore” – the very idea of letting things go, don’t bottle up, ignore and hold it in that locked, never to be opened chamber in your mind. Often, when things are buried so deep and are never to be touched, there’s a looming shadow or essence which still remains within. It’s never CTRL ALT DEL: it’s just moved to the Recycling Bin so to speak.
“It’s time to see what I can do. To test the limits and break through. No right, no wrong, no rules for me. I’m free” – the only way to break free is to face whatever it is right in the eyes. There’s no black or white, right or wrong way of dealing with live’s happenings, they are fluid and ever-changing, depending on time, how we attend to them and the nature of the matter. Acceptance, kindness and compassion can often allow us to let go. As cliche as it may be, be authentic to yourself (yes I am preaching). You only have one shot at life. Be true, even if it’s raw and sore. Empower yourself and don’t let fear and anguish determine who you are.
February 19, 2020