If anything were to raise my anxiety, stress and blood pressure from 0 – 100 in an instant, it would be something / anything medical. Something out of my comfort zone, something where I’m not in control. As a caveat, all medical stuff from doctors to needles to medicine to hospitals ain’t my thing. Panic sets in, my hands go tingly and I go into flight mode. Fear alert.
So as you can imagine, Covid-19 hasn’t helped the situation at hand. It is the most surreal and unrealistic nightmare to be living through. The facts are daunting and the way the world has been jolted is just mind boggling. Seeing all these pop-up hospitals, horror stories and the continuous flood of information has overwhelmed most of society, including me. Yes of course there’s a lot of positives too. The comradery, compassion, unity and solidarity it’s brought out amongst so many is mind boggling too.
But this has taught me one strong lesson, to harden the F-up as a mama! Illness, sickness, viruses and procedures are all part and parcel of life. We can run, but we can’t always hide.
After having a very sick baba with a raging fever for days on end, followed by a spreading rash across her body, head and neck, followed by an ear infection, numerous virtual doctor appointments didn’t suffice. I had to grow some balls, man up and go to a doctor.
The experience felt totally out of a sci-fi movie, something I’d never ever expect to experience in my lifetime. I had to drive into a sterile tent when I got the go ahead. The doctor came out in full PPE, a visor, a mask, gloves, scrubs. I just cried. I felt like I was transported into an isolation unit where the sickest get treated. How can this be the new norm? I just had to see past my vulnerabilities and insecurities and look at the bigger picture. I think we so often get caught up in the little puzzle piece and its intensity, we forget about the rest of the picture. Micro vision is critical but so is macro.
I learnt a life lesson. As a mama you have to be strong and bite the bullet. You have to put yourself out there for the protection of your children. You have to role model behaviour you want them to emulate, no matter how hard it is for you. If you show panic and fear, they too will be scared growing up. I grew up scared of everything, of police, my shadow, disabled people, loud noises…. the list is endless. As a mama of 2, I try show no fear. I show I am strong and can face what’s thrown at me. I’ve learnt to harden the F%$# up!
May 5, 2020