One day I’ll be me again….but for now, I am happy with who I need to be and where I am…
One day I’ll be able to have a full night sleep, uninterrupted by little cries where an 8 hour sleep won’t feel like a luxury and will be the norm, and the bags under my eyes will fade away…
One day I’ll be able to drink 3 cups of hot coffee a day and go to the toilet in peace, without the sound of gorgeous pattering feet or little squeaks from the outside room…
One day I’ll be able to fit into my pre-mamma clothes that are hanging in the wardrobe from my past, where my C section flap won’t overhang and I’ll (hopefully) be content…
One day I’ll have enough time to cook nutritious meals and make packed school / work lunches without it being a burden or an unfathomable task…
One day I’ll be able to go to the grocery store without rushing through the aisles worrying about the next nap time or when I need to prepare the bottle, and be able to take in what’s on the shelves and around me, breathing calmly not in a huff…
One day I’ll be able to go to the gym, have my nails done, enjoy my hair cut and not have my heart palpitating with what’s next to do on my forever growing to do list…
One day I’ll wear clean clothes without a food stain or some sick up over the shoulder and it won’t feel like a treat…
One day I’ll have clean, straight hair with the latest colour trends instead of living on dry shampoo or showering in 35 split seconds and carrying on with my day with sopping wet hair…
One day I’ll read blogs and articles that make my soul tick, instead of laborious things on reflux, weaning and sleep training…
But until that ‘illusive’ one day, I am learning to be happy with the new me… yes learning. The me who is now a mother, wife, cleaner, therapist, nappy changer, chef, laundromat, slave to two little girls under the age of 2.5.
I am needed by 2 beautiful angels 24-7. I am their everything and go to person. I am their confidant and guiding light. I am their hero and role model. I am the lid to their pot, the spaghetti to their Bolognese and their salt to their pepper, so to speak.
So for now, this is me! And I wouldn’t change the new me for anything in the world (maybe some more sleep). And as parenthood evolves and develops, the little fragments of myself which were given away with love and devotion to my little dependant beings will slowly return back to me, to complete who I was, am and will always be.
I know in theory, the time will come when I will yearn for my girls to once again need me the way they do now, when I wish I could lie in bed with them, read stories and tickle their arms to sleep, when they will fall asleep mid cuddle in the awkward positions which perfectly describes motherhood.
One day will happen. I’m not denying that some days I wish that the one day would draw near, some days I wish I had my own time, time to focus on me and time to put me first. But then again, I try not wish time away and know this is normal.
Motherhood is a journey, but it shouldn’t be viewed as a period where we’re counting the days away and the period to pass through our fingers. It shouldn’t be seen as a daunting task. It is a live lovable experience. Accept the new you, respect time and know today is where you are the meant to be, as you!